Some time ago, during an Intentional Creativity exercise, a weird thought popped into my head: You can go and shine and glimmer in the dark, Honey.
Before, there had been the thought of not being able to hide in the crowd, even if trying, because I will always stand out. And it is ok. Not only ok, but good. Because I am like that.
And by showing my weirdness I encourage other weird beings to show themselves, too.
And this is my job. After over 50 years of being me I am getting comfortable in my own skin. Finally, you could say. But in a way it is just a return to myself. As a child I was completely me, loud, inquiring, fast talking and high climbing and creative. Or, as some would point out, too impulsive, too inquisitive, too talkative, and too fat. Then “the world” started to teach me how to behave, how to live and how to socialize. Well, that didn’t go too well, if I am honest.
And after 20 years of being taught I spent the next 20 years trying to unlearn most of the rubbish…
- Shedding the masks and rediscovering that silly old me from many years ago.
- Getting to be creative almost always, with everything that happens to cross my path.
- Spending hours “just sitting there”, pondering and wondering and processing everything.
- Drawing silly things and now and then something wondrous and beautiful.
- Recognizing beauty everywhere. No, I really mean everywhere. Even there.
- Playing with cats. Cuddling dogs. Conversing with birds. Watching clouds. Loving trees.
- Having wonderful conversations with children, who are still themselves.
- Encouraging everyone who realizes that they must change. And must do it right now.
– Standing still, struck by the beauty of a moment, a sight, a sound, a bird, a mouse…
- Reading a lot, but only the things that touch me in any way.
- Having stupid, silly and deeeep conversations whenever possible.
- Eating with my hands and drinking a lot of weak tea.
- Dancing while cooking. (Try that!)
- Writing short messages of encouragement to myself. Because I need to read those words, too.
- Enjoying fresh fruit and aromatic herbs and all that wonderful nourishment.
- Trying to eat as varied and colourful as possible.
- Drink fresh clean cool water consciously.
- Adding sprinkles of glimmer and glitter into the days, mine, and theirs.
- Enjoying the warmth of that ugly blanket my granny used to own. (It really is ugly. We have a complicated relationship. Sometimes I must hide it away from my sight. Really. It is that ugly. But the warmest lightest mohair I have ever touched.)
– Remembering everyone who crossed my path, for better or worse. Trying to focus on the good and the outcome.
- Connecting the dots between then and now.
- Reaching for the stars with empty hands and enjoying that milky starlight pouring down over me.
- Watching the crow watching me and trying to communicate with it telepathically.
- Having porridge for breakfast and really sensing that warmth and softness inside my stomach.
- Acknowledging the changes in my aging body, stunned by the youth in my mind.
- Understanding human beings more and more every day.
- Understanding humanity less and less every day.
– Enduring the paradoxes while trying to keep my cool.
- Being silly. Because it helps.
- Being realistic and sober. Because it is needed.
Somehow, in listing all these many things I do or try to do more often, I understood what that thought meant.
Yes, I can go and shine and glimmer in the dark.
Heartfelt, wherever you might be,