Hello there, good to be read by you. Still on my road to understanding myself better… sometimes it is a bumpy ride, thank you, menopause and autism et.al.. But when I am connected to „my people“, to those misfits and aliens in all the colours of the rainbow, I feel safe and whole and really quite alright. And when it is in circle with some kindred spirits in similar life conditions, even better!
We all have some ideas in our heads about how an autistic person supposedly is.
We have seen films like Rain man or the series Big Bang Theory. There are obviously significant differences between autistic people with high support needs and high IQ nerds like Sheldon Cooper. As usual around here, I am talking about the high IQ people, when on the autism spectrum formerly known as Aspergers or Aspies, for short. But what about highly intelligent women and girls* on the autism spectrum?
These girls and women are difficult to spot… even for themselves.
Any highly gifted and highly sensitive woman with a strong sense of fairness and a strong interest in a single field like justice, animal rights, psychology, architecture, gardening, horses, literature, or education or anything else may lead an “unremarkable” life. (One of the things we in my neurotribe have been talking about in the context of autism is the concept of monotropism.) She might be an inconspicuous housewife and mother, or a successful professional. But, once she runs out of energy for compensating and masking, there is no more denying that she is special.
This moment is most likely to come when menopause ceases to be a theoretical time in the far future
and transforms into sleepless nights and hot flashes. Our heroine will now need more time to recover from any kind of exertion, be it a social event, an illness or something like renovating or moving house. She will no longer be willing (and/or able) to accommodate other people’s expectations, and probably “suddenly develop” idiosyncratic behaviour, an unusual straightforwardness, and a strong need for soothing routines. She will no longer accept (nor endure) sudden changes in her surroundings, surprise visits by distant relatives or general intrusions in her inner sanctum a.k.a. home.
Her comfort and her wellbeing will hopefully be high on her priorities,
while “doing what one should do” and “looking her age and status” will be treated as the complete fictions they really are. How refreshing! She will eat her favourite foods far more often, and cradle soft toys in her arms while napping. She might as well search for the perfect fidget toy. Meanwhile, her special interests shall retain their special place in her heart and life… it is in the name, duh.
If the weird ones have always been your favourite characters when you were a girl,
if you have dreamt of being that odd wise woman in the woods or them free spirit on their very own journey to happiness, chances are that hitting menopause you will eventually decide to follow your dreams quietly but persistently … everything else just costs far too much energy. Menopause and autism may seem to reinforce each other… but maybe they just hit the same note. What was „a good night’s sleep“, again?
Welcome home, Honey, welcome home. Now we can exchange knowledge and share resources… in earnest.
Heartfelt, wherever you are,
P.S.: By the way, I just wanted you to know that you are perfect and worthy, just the way you are!
Yes, I mean you! …No, seriously, I mean it. …Of course I know you enough to be sure! …Pfht… no, stop it, really, you are perfect.
* And those intelligent autistic girls? Well, they learn very fast how not to be a nuisance… and why should anyone want to put a label on such a clever and mostly quiet little thing? So the struggle goes on and on, until the energy is too low, depression hits, or someone with wise kind eyes spots the hard work this girl has to put in on any given day…
Hello there, good to be read by you. Still on my road to understanding myself better… sometimes it is a bumpy ride, thank you, menopause and autism et.al.. But when I am connected to „my people“, to those misfits and aliens in all the colours of the rainbow, I feel safe and whole and really quite alright. And when it is in circle with some kindred spirits in similar life conditions, even better!
We all have some ideas in our heads about how an autistic person supposedly is.
We have seen films like Rain man or the series Big Bang Theory. There are obviously significant differences between autistic people with high support needs and high IQ nerds like Sheldon Cooper. As usual around here, I am talking about the high IQ people, when on the autism spectrum formerly known as Aspergers or Aspies, for short. But what about highly intelligent women and girls* on the autism spectrum?
These girls and women are difficult to spot… even for themselves.
Any highly gifted and highly sensitive woman with a strong sense of fairness and a strong interest in a single field like justice, animal rights, psychology, architecture, gardening, horses, literature, or education or anything else may lead an “unremarkable” life. (One of the things we in my neurotribe have been talking about in the context of autism is the concept of monotropism.) She might be an inconspicuous housewife and mother, or a successful professional. But, once she runs out of energy for compensating and masking, there is no more denying that she is special.
This moment is most likely to come when menopause ceases to be a theoretical time in the far future
and transforms into sleepless nights and hot flashes. Our heroine will now need more time to recover from any kind of exertion, be it a social event, an illness or something like renovating or moving house. She will no longer be willing (and/or able) to accommodate other people’s expectations, and probably “suddenly develop” idiosyncratic behaviour, an unusual straightforwardness, and a strong need for soothing routines. She will no longer accept (nor endure) sudden changes in her surroundings, surprise visits by distant relatives or general intrusions in her inner sanctum a.k.a. home.
Her comfort and her wellbeing will hopefully be high on her priorities,
while “doing what one should do” and “looking her age and status” will be treated as the complete fictions they really are. How refreshing! She will eat her favourite foods far more often, and cradle soft toys in her arms while napping. She might as well search for the perfect fidget toy. Meanwhile, her special interests shall retain their special place in her heart and life… it is in the name, duh.
If the weird ones have always been your favourite characters when you were a girl,
if you have dreamt of being that odd wise woman in the woods or them free spirit on their very own journey to happiness, chances are that hitting menopause you will eventually decide to follow your dreams quietly but persistently … everything else just costs far too much energy. Menopause and autism may seem to reinforce each other… but maybe they just hit the same note. What was „a good night’s sleep“, again?
Welcome home, Honey, welcome home. Now we can exchange knowledge and share resources… in earnest.
Heartfelt, wherever you are,
P.S.: By the way, I just wanted you to know that you are perfect and worthy, just the way you are!
Yes, I mean you! …No, seriously, I mean it. …Of course I know you enough to be sure! …Pfht… no, stop it, really, you are perfect.
* And those intelligent autistic girls? Well, they learn very fast how not to be a nuisance… and why should anyone want to put a label on such a clever and mostly quiet little thing? So the struggle goes on and on, until the energy is too low, depression hits, or someone with wise kind eyes spots the hard work this girl has to put in on any given day…