I like being sensitive. But this one thing about it I really do not like: an irritation, albeit minuscule, always affects the whole highly sensitive system. It is not always a big change, sometimes it is little things. The symptoms that a highly sensitive person (HSP) then displays do not always reveal where exactly the problem lies, but they always have a root cause.
For example, school stress often leads to stomach aches or migraines in highly sensitive children. You must treat the symptoms to help the child, of course, but it is extremely important to get to the root of the problem and find a good solution for that. A clarifying conversation with a classmate or teacher may be enough, in other cases a change of school may be the solution. There are as many scenarios as there are people affected. It is the same in adults:
Sometimes the highly sensitive system goes haywire.
You have the strangest physical symptoms, argue with your best friend, get a stomach ache from your favourite food or can no longer get a straight sentence down on paper. Perhaps you develop an aversion to your own perfume, can barely stand the sight of your partner, or suddenly find your hometown incredibly awful. But actually, everything is fine…! It is enough to make you jump out of your skin. In my personal case, I like to take this literally and get an atopic dermatitis flareup, despite the meticulous avoidance of all allergens and known triggers. Sometimes the following of the rules is the main problem: the routine turns into a trap and the system responds with alarm signals on all levels.
This is the moment for change.
Then, when an HSP has this feeling of irritation, a sense of impending catastrophe, without finding any tangible evidence of such a catastrophe, then there must be a change. Of course, you first must check exactly whether everything is in order in all areas such as family, work, or partnership. You also need to take a closer look at your body first to rule out the possibility of an illness. But if you have ruled out all these factors, i.e. ‘nothing is actually wrong’, then the question arises: what has messed up my system so much? Is it perhaps the lack of irritation? The lack of friction? Of adventure? Of liveliness?
We are all too happy to settle down in comfort and forget our lust for life.
The desire for play, for challenge, for friction et cetera, it is also a basic need for delicate HSPs. If we try too hard to protect ourselves, to avoid taking any risks and to avoid any irritation at all costs, then we slowly suffocate in our shell. It is a balancing act between self-care and personal growth. These are not mutually exclusive, but some people overshoot the mark when trying to protect their highly sensitive system. Then there is a lack of stimulation. Of impressions that inspire us. Of liveliness.
Sure, things can go well this way for long time. But not forever.
At some point, our own oh-so-sensitive and perceptive system tells us: “Hello, something is wrong here. Everything is fine, everything is in order. But I need a bit of chaos now to remind me that the only constant in the universe is change! So go on, change something! Anything!”
And then every one of us is sure to immediately have an idea of what we could change. In most cases, this is a big unrealised dream that seems so unrealistic that we prefer to stay in our current security… And the system continues to rebel.
But what if we try a small change?
A tiny reminder of the flow of life, the eddies, and the tides. Something as small as
- a new haircut
- a pair of red shoes
- a new restaurant
- an unknown fruit
- another holiday destination
- a different route to work
- a visit to the theatre
- a completely different magazine
- a bike trip
- a riding lesson
- a new and unknown recipe for dinner
- a boat trip
- a day trip to a new place
- a meeting with old friends
- a meeting with acquaintances that could turn into new friends…
These are just a few examples for small changes that could provide your highly sensitive system with enough new impressions to initiate a process of change that may, sooner or later, lead to the fulfilment of this great unreasonable dream.
Even a highly sensitive system needs surprises from time to time.
Do not forget this when you are wondering why your back is hurting again today, or what is causing this irritability, or why your partner always/never (insert appropriate word here) … Maybe you just need a little fresh breeze. Or like the pearl oyster, a grain of sand from which you can create a pearl.
Because if we see our high sensitivity as a gift, then we have the advantage of sensing early enough when something needs to change. We do not necessarily need the heart attack, the burnout, the trip around the world or the Jaguar. Thanks to our highly sensitive system, we can approach change slowly and gently, ‘with feeling’, as my driving instructor used to say when changing gear.
Then maybe a teeny tiny change can turn into a much brighter life…
Heartfelt, wherever you are,
P.S.: This is just as true for HSPs as it is for many autistic or highly gifted people… no matter what the reason for your high sensitivity is, it is important not to petrify yourself….
P.P.S.: This article is the translation of an old blog entry of mine: Das Hochsensible System und die Veränderung
I like being sensitive. But this one thing about it I really do not like: an irritation, albeit minuscule, always affects the whole highly sensitive system. It is not always a big change, sometimes it is little things. The symptoms that a highly sensitive person (HSP) then displays do not always reveal where exactly the problem lies, but they always have a root cause.
For example, school stress often leads to stomach aches or migraines in highly sensitive children. You must treat the symptoms to help the child, of course, but it is extremely important to get to the root of the problem and find a good solution for that. A clarifying conversation with a classmate or teacher may be enough, in other cases a change of school may be the solution. There are as many scenarios as there are people affected. It is the same in adults:
Sometimes the highly sensitive system goes haywire.
You have the strangest physical symptoms, argue with your best friend, get a stomach ache from your favourite food or can no longer get a straight sentence down on paper. Perhaps you develop an aversion to your own perfume, can barely stand the sight of your partner, or suddenly find your hometown incredibly awful. But actually, everything is fine…! It is enough to make you jump out of your skin. In my personal case, I like to take this literally and get an atopic dermatitis flareup, despite the meticulous avoidance of all allergens and known triggers. Sometimes the following of the rules is the main problem: the routine turns into a trap and the system responds with alarm signals on all levels.
This is the moment for change.
Then, when an HSP has this feeling of irritation, a sense of impending catastrophe, without finding any tangible evidence of such a catastrophe, then there must be a change. Of course, you first must check exactly whether everything is in order in all areas such as family, work, or partnership. You also need to take a closer look at your body first to rule out the possibility of an illness. But if you have ruled out all these factors, i.e. ‘nothing is actually wrong’, then the question arises: what has messed up my system so much? Is it perhaps the lack of irritation? The lack of friction? Of adventure? Of liveliness?
We are all too happy to settle down in comfort and forget our lust for life.
The desire for play, for challenge, for friction et cetera, it is also a basic need for delicate HSPs. If we try too hard to protect ourselves, to avoid taking any risks and to avoid any irritation at all costs, then we slowly suffocate in our shell. It is a balancing act between self-care and personal growth. These are not mutually exclusive, but some people overshoot the mark when trying to protect their highly sensitive system. Then there is a lack of stimulation. Of impressions that inspire us. Of liveliness.
Sure, things can go well this way for long time. But not forever.
At some point, our own oh-so-sensitive and perceptive system tells us: “Hello, something is wrong here. Everything is fine, everything is in order. But I need a bit of chaos now to remind me that the only constant in the universe is change! So go on, change something! Anything!”
And then every one of us is sure to immediately have an idea of what we could change. In most cases, this is a big unrealised dream that seems so unrealistic that we prefer to stay in our current security… And the system continues to rebel.
But what if we try a small change?
A tiny reminder of the flow of life, the eddies, and the tides. Something as small as
These are just a few examples for small changes that could provide your highly sensitive system with enough new impressions to initiate a process of change that may, sooner or later, lead to the fulfilment of this great unreasonable dream.
Even a highly sensitive system needs surprises from time to time.
Do not forget this when you are wondering why your back is hurting again today, or what is causing this irritability, or why your partner always/never (insert appropriate word here) … Maybe you just need a little fresh breeze. Or like the pearl oyster, a grain of sand from which you can create a pearl.
Because if we see our high sensitivity as a gift, then we have the advantage of sensing early enough when something needs to change. We do not necessarily need the heart attack, the burnout, the trip around the world or the Jaguar. Thanks to our highly sensitive system, we can approach change slowly and gently, ‘with feeling’, as my driving instructor used to say when changing gear.
Then maybe a teeny tiny change can turn into a much brighter life…
Heartfelt, wherever you are,
P.S.: This is just as true for HSPs as it is for many autistic or highly gifted people… no matter what the reason for your high sensitivity is, it is important not to petrify yourself….
P.P.S.: This article is the translation of an old blog entry of mine: Das Hochsensible System und die Veränderung