Ute – Mourning and Celebrating a Friend

Today ten years ago my best friend Ute died of a cancer they could not find or cure.

She was diagnosed in December 2010, pregnant with her second child. On the second day of 2011 they delivered the baby by caesarean section so they would be able to give my friend stronger medication. Ute loved to hold her tiny daughter, to see the three-year-old son beaming at the baby – she loved to see her partner holding both children in his arms. She was sure about him being a good father, even without her around. And she knew clearly when she had to let go.

Ute was special. She was no genius, no rebel, no influencer, no.

She was a strong, straight, and sometimes stubborn, but very kind and loving being. Ute was open to new ideas and new people, she always assumed good will, but would take no sh*t from anybody. She was the one I could have called in the middle of the night to commit a crime, and she would help me out. And she was the one I could count on for spending a whole weekend in PJs, playing boardgames, eating sweets and drinking tea. Sometimes she asked the perfect question to let your view of the world tumble, crumble and fall.

She helped me be a better person.

And I miss her. There are still those moments when I want to tell her something, or show something to her, that only she would really appreciate. I still see certain shoes or clothing and think: „Ute would love that!“ And there are moments, when I see her serious face looking at me, asking me with her eyes to keep calm, to stay strong, to be the better person. But most of all I love it when I remember her smile. Her laughter, her dry humour and kind eyes.

Ute made the world a better place, and I am glad to have been her friend.

When she died, she was not even 40, but her partner and I realized that she had all her big wishes in life fulfilled: a loving partner, two children (a boy and a girl), a house designed by her, a beautiful garden. She had helped friends and family, worked hard and earned her keep, enjoyed travels and food and celebrated life:

She had spend her days well and could go in peace.

Ute is still present: when I see her son, I see her eyes, the smile, the astuteness. And her daughter is often the one who adds a certain quirk to a situation – I remember Ute doing that. I see them grow, faster than I can handle, and looking her partner in the eyes, I know that he sees her in them as well. She will live on in her children, in our memories, in the hearts of all the people that met her.
Because, yes, Ute was a very normal woman: completely unique and special!
I can only wish for you to meet someone like her, to have a friend like her. I wish for you to have someone in your life, if anything happened to them, you would miss them like I miss my friend.

Because such a friend is a gift to which none of us is entitled,
but all of us should strive to become!

Heartfelt, wherever you are,